Just because you don't talk about his Suicide , Doesn't mean it didn't happen

Death is difficult for those of us that are still alive but I think we usually comfort one another when we discuss the loss among family and friends. We work through the pain and are able to cope so much better.
Unless of course the death is caused by Suicide...then we just don't talk about it at all.
I have had countless conversations about my Dad's death, My Grandparents deaths, and the death of Friends that have been lost.
I can count on one hand how many conversations I have had about Patrick's Suicide
It is a sad reality that we live in a world where Suicide is a tabu subject. No one wants to talk about it or hear about it and so the survivors of Suicide (those left behind) must suffer through this most horrible traumatic experience basically isolated from any understanding at all. It is sad and it gets really lonely.
No one ever brings Patrick's name up, I guess they figure by not mentioning him they will spare me unnecessary pain but don't you understand how much it hurts that you all have forgotten him?
That is how it feels because the way he died has caused you all to not even want to talk about the way he lived, it's so unfair.
Pretending that he did not exist will never make this go away and no amount of time will ever make me forget him even if no one ever mentions his name ever again. No amount of silence about that day will erase it from my memory, trust me, it has embedded itself within my soul.

What would Help me?

Just say his name once in a while, I won't fall apart I promise. I need to know that you remember him too because I loved him so much, he was my best friend.

Sleepy Suicide

It's difficult to believe that it has been 6 years...so much has happened since you left yet I feel as if time has been standing still..
I always smile and try to stay optimistic but at times I feel like I am deceiving myself.
It has been a while since the last time I broke down, I remember how much better I felt afterwards yet I do everything humanly possible to prevent myself from breaking down again. I am not sure why.
I know how toxic it is to allow the pain to reside too long, I know what it can do...still I fight back those tears.
I guess I feel I should be much further along in this process than I am.

I  avoided writing about you this year on the anniversary of that day that you left... August 9th...
I wrote a little last night though and made it through it ok but today is not so strong, I feel sleepy.

I know you are here right now, I can feel you around me. I know you are sorry, I know you never thought it would go this way. You figured I was strong and would be fine. You didn't know this would wreck me

I can hear you saying "Everything will work out ...because everyone loves Jennifer" Those words crush me sometimes.

You know me better than anyone knows me.

I know you are sorry and I'm sorry too.

I'm sorry that you didn't know what this would do